Unhealthy Controlling Behaviors:
Blame others for your mood; Keep them tiptoeing on eggshells to appease you
Use the word ‘should’ a lot
Become upset when your advice isn't taken
Give silent treatment to punish
Fish for compliments to feel good about yourself
Anticipate other's thoughts or behaviors to sway a response
Drive up the tailpipe or maneuver aggressively to "teach" another driver a lesson
Learning to let go of control takes time. Fear surfaces when we think what might happen when we release our grip. It’s not an all-or-nothing proposition. In recovery, when we talk about letting go of control, we mean letting go of some control. As we let go of some control, we become more empowered. We will find flexibility where there has been rigidity. When we begin to let go some more, we begin to relax, play, and discover serenity. We connect with ourselves and others better. Spirituality increases as control decreases.
Control is a major barrier to recovery. Faith and control don’t peacefully coexist. If you are searching for intimacy, you can’t have it without letting go of control. Remember that surrendering helps you stay in the moment, trust your higher power, and accept that you don’t need to have all the answers or plans in place right now. They will unfold naturally while you keep your sights on each next right thing.
If letting go is problematic for you, identify on a daily basis two areas you want to work on. It may be the same two areas repeatedly, but persistence will prevail. In your morning meditation, use the sentence stem, “Today I will let go of control of ________ and ________.”
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