Withdrawing from the triangle
Awareness is everything. Be aware of your capacity to play these roles. Start by spotting the role in another, and ask yourself what role you could be taking in response. You may be taking on a role of rescuer or persecutor.
Victim: If you feel like you are the victim in a situation, consider the following points:
Be clear with your boundaries
Be aware of the choices you are making that bring you to the point of victimhood
Ask yourself if you are seeking validation from others and do you really need it
Rescuer: If you find yourself continually rescuing people, consider the following:
How can you empower the victim? Asking 'What do you think you could do about this?' can help jog the victim into helping themselves.
How can you acknowledge the persecutor's issues without engaging in the drama?
Stay aware of the thin line between coaching and rescuing and remember that some victims don’t want to be rescued, they are comfortable where they are at.
Develop your own way of saying 'no' to requests for help – be gentle and assertive
Persecutor: No one likes to think of themselves as a persecutor or bully, but there may be times when you push other peoples' boundaries or act aggressive to justify your actions.
Phrases such as 'I had no choice', are ways of trying to maintain already pushed boundaries
Exercise your compassionate side: what level of respect would you want if you were in the same position as the person you were challenging?
Question how you influence others: are your statements accusatory rather than inquiring? Are you challenging or criticizing someone else?
In summary, to stay out of the drama triangle you need the skillsets of assertiveness, compassion, empathy and self-awareness.
By empathizing, you are unlikely to be aggressive.
By being self-aware, you are less likely to rescue.
By developing your assertive side, you will play fewer victim roles.
Self-awareness is the key.
A drama requires each player to act their part. When you decide to start withdrawing from these roles, other players may not want you to and may do their utmost to drag you back. Be strong.
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