So much pride, ego, and self-centeredness go into convincing ourselves that we don’t need help. Why have we decided we are better off facing our problems alone? Asking for help is a must if you want to be sober, happy and healthy. You don’t need to be afraid to ask for help. If the time comes that you need help, but you are too afraid to ask, remember these key points.
1 – Asking for Help Does Not Make You Weak. It is exactly the opposite. Ego and pride make you weak. You are much weaker alone on an island than when standing amongst friends. It takes strength and humility to admit that you need a hand. Paradoxically, humility is a beacon of strength. Thinking you know best and thinking you can do everything by yourself is a sign of weakness and a sign of insecurity.
2 – You Are Not a Burden. We don’t ask for help because we don’t want to be a burden. We think people have better things to do. Sometimes helping another may be an inconvenience, but it is not a burden. You discover this once you have been on the other side and are able to help someone else out. In recovery, getting and giving help is a cycle. The same people who offer help today probably had to ask for help in the beginning, too. We have all been there.
3 – It Is Better to Just Ask. Because we fear being a burden, many of us have learned a slick way of finding help without asking. It goes like this: You are with a friend and say, “Man… I don’t know what I am going to do. I need a ride to work and my roommate is out of town. Do you have any ideas?” No one likes someone who is manipulative. Be respectful of someone’s intelligence. Ask, and be upfront about what you can give in exchange. Can you offer gas money, a hand, or nothing at all?
4 – You Get What You Give. Even people that have no money or property still posses the greatest resource there is - time. Giving time is the ultimate form of service. Prioritize what you can give and keep it in the front of your mind. Always ask yourself what you can do to help someone else. How can you share your time? If you do this, you will never need to ask around for help. You will have earned trust, built relationships and spent your positive energy in a way that guarantees it will come back to you. By giving when you can, help will always be available to you. When you help others, amazing things happen.
5 – Asking for Help Broadens Your Horizons. I arrived at a soccer field one weekend and saw that someone had moved the nets. I decided to drag the nets back into place by myself. A man was walking around the track and watching me struggle to drag this heavy net over a few feet at a time. I didn’t want to bother him by asking for his help. After 10 minutes of struggling and grunting, I gave in and asked him for a hand. He looked at me and smiled as if he had been waiting. He walked over and said, “let me show you something.” The damn net has wheels on it! All these weeks we had been dragging this net back and forth without noticing the latch on the posts that came down as wheels. At that moment, I realized that when you allow others to help you, you are gaining so much more than an extra hand. You are gaining new perspectives, ideas and skills that you wouldn’t have if you did everything on your own.
A Day at A Time. For many of us, asking for help is difficult. It causes anxiety, self-doubt, and the feeling we’re not good enough. All of those thoughts are simply lies your disease is telling you. Take it a day at a time and tackle each challenge as it comes. Eventually the feelings of self-doubt will begin to disappear. Now you are free to be yourself!
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